Shoulda Coulda Woulda

the aftermath of transitional phases is what i anticipate yet fear most.
should've this, could've that, would've been...
thing is, whatever decisions are made can be justifiable but still inevitably compromised in a certain sort of way.
it all voice down to content, doesn't it?
or maybe, content is merely a subset of a bigger root word, DENIAL.

every now and then, we're caged in a room full of excuses just so as to avoid questions of shouldas, couldas, and wouldas. 'Regret' is not part of your dictionary? Check the Oxford Dictionary of English that both you and I have, shall we? What we need would be actionable plans to counter the shoulda, woulda, couldas.

so there,

i should've focused more on the academics.
i will try the next few sems to come, and possibly take CFA once i start work.

i could've been even more proactive when dealing with home affairs.
tricky, but i just made a move earlier in the day and will only continue to do so.

i would've been flying a jet this morning.
i tried 2 years back and youth flying club rejected me because they felt i was too 'old'.
so i compensated myself with a driving licence. duh.
2 scuba diving licences, openwater and advanced.
and a powered pleasure craft licence which i have yet to utilise.

out.

Ya busta!

enough is enough.
fuck you and fuck off.

i can be as heartless as anyone can be.
can't always end up at the losing end, can i?

Fade

these days,
i can't seem to feel much of you.

World Beneath my 9-inch feet

just minimal. dammit.

in december 07, hopefully.

before that, it's gonna be...
Peking (again), China. Business Traveling.
Chengdu, China. Leisure & Photography.
Bangkok (again), Chiangmai, Thailand. Shopping, Leisure & Adventure.
Hong Kong (again), China. Harvard Business Conference & yi.
Pulau Aur (again), Malaysia. DIVING!

look at the world and i know i am not content.

iLust.

so i was strolling along century park on my way home, just me, sade and the iPod.
and that triggered the search for some iAccessories.
look what i found...

ohmiGod, iDig music.

My love is wider, wider than victoria lake
My love is taller, taller than the empire state
It divides and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean
I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back

Is it a crime
Is it a crime
That I still want you
And I want you to want me too


iRack. hahaha, very funny.

You'll Be Safe Here

i wish for once, i could be undaunted by insecurity (in that particular aspect).
i keep having to remind myself that there's only one such person whom i can depend on,
& that's me, myself, and i.

so here it is, a dedication to thyself,

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Roadmap

/potala palace.

/yamdroktso lake.

For the following week:
04 - Guangzhou

05 to 07 - Hongkong

08 - Dinner at CG's

09 - ICSH (Capitaland)

10 - Family day

directions set for the next 5 years at least,
and i'm hoping the right decisions have been made.

3 more years to a quarter of a century.
now tell me, how not to feel old?

Let it Snow

Tibet Travel Tip #07: Expect snow even in summer.

"why didn't we prepare attap chee, sweet syrup, red beans, sweet corn, grass jelly, evaporated milk... ...? HOW UHHH?"

//Qomolangma (Mt Everest) from the border of Tibet
Central Himalayan Region.
~8,850m high.

i've been imagining myself, rooted at the most remote crossroads, hoping for someone to deliver a sign.
and it's less than 2 months before my return.

Rose-tinted

sometimes, looking through rose-tinted glasses may be the only viable option.

April 13-17 // Meet the folks, in shanghai.

April 15 // Business Executive Night at the Regent Hotel.

//the bannerman can.

//serene, the surprise.

7 days to our 2nd.
7+3 days to our lhasa,shigatse,mt. everest base camp,gyantze...trip.
6 deadlines before the much anticipated.
Godspeed.

You Got Me

missed the Roots gig for ERA 时空之旅,
but i still managed to get my favorite live on 750i.
all smiles for the few precious minutes.

you got me, for sure.
lovely homies.

blasting on replay, dancing silly on the toilet floor.
the heavy heart managed to shed a pretty substantial amount of weight a while ago.

back to reality.
to work, work, work, & more work.

as long as you love me

6th April - Christine's 五连拍, to be cont'd.
followed by Overseas Chinese Mixer @ Neocafe.

7th April - takumi with 4 hongkies, 4 singaporeans, and my unagi fix.
followed by barbarrosa.

10th April - Company dinner at 唐朝, Marriot.

8th April - Cantonese Family Restaurant
9th April - South Beauty
11th April - Banana Leaf
with the Small Uncle.

5th & 12th April - treats on 2 thursdays at Uncle Ah Long's bah kut teh restaurant.




how you got me blind is still a mystery,
i can't get you out of my head
don't care what is written in your history,
as long as you're here with me.

do you remember the old school primary school days?
backstreet's back alright!

It's Raining Men

the uncle's here.
the father in 4 days.
the boy end of April.

did i mention that my last couple of months here is rated hectic?

no time for this.

the last 4050

/TMSK on April's Fool.

finally. the lump sum is given.
no more forking out 4050 at one go.

the decision has been made.

& it's a NO. dead NO.
4 precious hours of air in my lungs gone to waste.
it did drain the life out of me...with nothingness. naught.

Flowers in the window

correction: not cherry, but peach blossoms.
at 上海南汇桃花村.

Wow, look at you now
Flowers in the window
It’s such a lovely day
And I’m glad that you feel the same


desires are healthy.
but the frustration derived from deprivation can be so overwhelming.
so, where did my baby go?

Where did my baby go?
I wonder where he ran off to
I miss my baby so
I'm calling but I can't get through

Each Day Gets Better

Where do we go, who knows?
But each day gets better

it does, doesn't it?
even with the suffocating amount of work,
the little petty & senseless tiffs,
the sobbing skies,
yada yada.

the act of ameliorating brings more returns than anyone can imagine.
i actually enjoy getting caught in the heavy traffic of projects, proposals, bosses, colleagues, discussions, debates, emails, phonecalls. and next i know, i go "TGIF!" and treat myself to a nice japanese meal. i absolutely love minor quarrels (not huge uproars) and the sweet apologetic state either one, or both will succumb to eventually. and just the thought of how the sun rays will gently plant kisses on my cheeks after the grays... ...awww..each day gets better.

so now, after "letters from iwo jima" & "the shawshank redemption", i'm headin out for dinner. tomorrow, it's gonna be cherry blossoms about an hour away. thereafter, i'll have to make plans for tibet, maybe guangzhou & hong kong, and of course bangkok before my return to sunny island.

Comfortable

/16th:dinner with e-scholars from the university of portland.
followed by 南京步行街，外滩 & New Heights (the all-too-familiar route).

/17th:visited a Jewish synagogue, a baptist church & a chinese temple.
but i was more drawn to this antique store.
& even more so, to the Lamboghini Murcielago below.

/a while back: at 长乐路,
a street that i kinda like.

Our love was, comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back

A john mayer song, of no relevance to my mood whatsoever,
triggered by the word 'comfortable'.

recently, it's just been comfortable.
even the broken water heater doesn't bother me that much anymore.
Content breeds happiness.
so i guess i'm pretty much contented of late.

Cursed & Cussing

my farking water heater decided to rain, no, POUR on me. literally.
the farking pipe exploded. so it's either i get flood from the heater or i get no farking water from the shower head at all. zilch. fark. i've to farking use the other toilet with a mildly choked, but still choked drainage system. so if it's the farking time of the month (& presuming my heater is still not replaced), i'm definitely gonna be farking struggling in a sea of red. the current farking toilet i'm using now is in no way equipped for ALL my womanly stuff (the toiletries, the pantyliners, the clean/dirty clothes, etc.) & the farking lock is farking spoilt. so as my farking heater malfunctions, the farking tap which i wake up to daily only provides me with farking subzero water.
it's farking messin up my quintessential routine.

the whole of last night, my farking internet connection was down.
& guess what now? i can't farking log on to msn. not on farking live messenger, not on farking meebo, not on farking iloveim, not on farking imtata, not on beng's farking live messenger. so i've no farking choice but to save the bitchin' for this farking entry of mine, externalizing and focusing the farking rage at one single point. I even went to the farking extent of taking deep breaths, in and out, in and out as though i'm farking giving birth.

fark the series of unfortunate events. fark the reliance on farking technology. i swear i could kill someone now.

do not antagonize me. I REPEAT, DO NOT ANTAGONIZE ME.

Play/Stop

When solution 1 failed, i took on 2 & 3.
green tea ice-cream, strepsils. not surprised?
random voice clips. not heard?
out-of-the-blue handwriting. not seen?

i used to get all defensive and peeved.
now that i'm trying, i only get disheartened.
there's a reason why 'Stop' is always seen with 'Play'.
metaphorically, i've thought of several reasons.

at least i made someone feel better.